You know this day is going to happen.
You hope you can be brave.
It's news you want to hear but afraid it will hurt.
Yesterday was the day.
With the the happiest of holidays approaching, it's a great time for announcements. Seven years ago, friends, three of us got married within three months of each other. With marriage always comes the fact that there will be a time for babies. You hope that you can all have babies together so they will have friends.
I happened to be the first to have that happen. For many years he has been the only one. For years we have all had hopes to have lots of children run around us as we gather. Still mine remains alone. With each passing year each of us has discovered some problem bearing children.
One of us has endometriosis. One of us had complications to the depo shot. One of us has PCOS. Who would have thought that three friends would have troubles with the one God given privilege only given to her?
Yesterday I received a Christmas card wishing my family a wonderful holiday season. Along with that came the announcement that one of these friends is going to have a baby come summer. I was ecstatic! They have wanted a baby for so long and we wanted them to be able to have a baby for so long. It has been seven years. We couldn't be happier.
So why is it that even though I feel so happy for them, there is a part of me that was crushed because I can't have the same thing? What is wrong me? Why can't I just be happy for them? Why do I feel so sad for me especially cause I was able to have one but what about the others I have longed to have?
I know this is normal for anyone who is suffering or has suffered the affects of infertility. But how I long to be fertile. This is not the path I was set on to travel.
So to J and S. Congrats to you from the very deepest parts of my heart. I am truly happy for the two of you to become parents after your long journey.
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